Straight talk – Engaging Teens in Internet Safety

Most Internet safety messages for youth are essentially simplistic lists of do's and don'ts which they've heard so often and have so little to do with their real online experience, that they're easy to dismiss. The result is that youth think they already know everything there is to know about Internet safety and their most common attitude to a discussion of online safety, at least for older children and teens, is either boredom or irritation.

Fortunately, kids and teens are interested in their own safety most of the time. They don't want to be had or ripped off by some scammer, or thief, nor do they want to be assaulted by a sexual predator, or bullied, or have their identity stolen. When youth understand that their actions may put not only themselves, but their family and friends at risk, they pay considerable attention.

And that's a good thing because rules about Internet safety aren't something you can effectively impose on anyone over the age of ten. If people don't buy into safety goals they'll quickly find ways around them. Instead, working towards online safety is something we do together. Safety education is based on understanding online risk and thoughtful consideration of the values and comfort levels with risk for every family member.

1. Internet safety begins with understanding.

• Begin by affirming the positive aspects of the Internet. Talk through the six ways that we're exposed to risk online .
• Discuss how information can be collected from a variety of sources to put together a full picture of someone. Show how predators look at information and use it. (To learn how , read my book Look both ways – help protect your family on the internet.

When kids become participants in their own safety they see the relevance with what they and their friends do online every day. They quickly become explorers, diving into the next blog, IM, e-mail, location tool, Web site, e-commerce site, or video, trying to figure out how a predator would discover information to find victims. They try to identify who a predator might try to befriend, which house a thief would target to rob, where an identity can be stolen, and whose money is vulnerable.

• Discuss the online services family members want to use. Discuss how the settings they choose (like public or private) and the features they use affect safety—their own, their family's, and their friend's. Talk about how to reduce everyone’s risk.

2.  Come to an agreement about safety goals. Discuss the safety goals of each family member, how they want their family values to be reflected in the material they view online, and the level of potential exposure to risk that they can agree to. Setting appropriate online safety guidelines requires thoughtful consideration of every family member's values, and an understanding that their comfort levels with various types of risk vary depending on age, maturity, and what is generally accessible by kids in their social circle.

3.  Set boundaries when there is a reason for concern. Whether minors agree to the boundaries or not, they should know what they are—at home, at school, at the library, for computers or cell phones, and so on. They should know if they will be monitored and why, how they will be monitored, and what the consequences of unsafe online behavior will be.
Balancing protection and supervision for your family isn't easy, and it isn’t static. Just when you think you’ve found equilibrium, children grow and features change and new services emerge. Yet, parenting is a constant. Understand the risks, make safety a collaborative effort, and set boundaries as you always have. No ‘monitoring tool’ can take your place.

Linda